Sometimes I get anxiety over how trapped I am if I really stop and think about it.
Everyone says you should be happy when you wake up and be happy with what you’re doing with your life.
But then everyone also says you have to pay your dues.
So how long do I have to not be happy to eventually be happy? Because happiness is not a guarantee, I don’t think.
Sometimes I just look up at you and I can’t believe how much love I feel.
Sometimes I think I can write more, but then I stop at one sentence because that’s all I really know how to say.
You leave me speechless.
I’m really insecure about my body image.
Working in the TV industry hasn’t helped that at all. I have a bachelor’s degree in Women’s Studies, and I do consider myself a feminist. You’d think that by now I’d have a handle on all this.
The truth is, I don’t.
I recently joined 24 Hour Fitness not only in an attempt to ease my anxiety, but also to get back into shape. I miss being able to walk up stairs without feeling like I was gonna die.
I always think about how powerful I could be if I could re-direct the part of my brain that worries about this to something else. To making money, to creativity, to math skills. Anything would be more helpful than this constant worrying.
Do I look fat in this, does this show a bulge, or doesn’t it? I can’t tell because psychologically I’m starting to become obsessed, so is this a psychological issue or is it a real body issue?
Issue. What a word. A “body issue.” As if having a roll in your stomach is a flaw, a problem. There’s really nothing wrong with it. If you don’t like it, fix it. If other people don’t like it and you happen to not give a damn, that’s fine too.
I wish I could follow my own advice.
It upsets me that I follow the status quo on this issue. I wish I could just…not. Because there’s really nothing wrong.
I think when it comes to a body the only time you might ever be in the wrong is if you are killing yourself with your eating and exercising habits.
But then again, that’s your choice.
I bet you missed my face, internet.
My webcam is just as crappy. I offer no apologies.
I tried some other blog platforms but I just don’t like them as much as I like tumblr.
Here’s what’s happened in my life since I stopped posting regularly:
That’s about it. I’d love it if we could get reacquainted. :)
Snow in Hawaii (on Mauna Kea)
If you’re going to be cynical, life is full of pain. So full that it lurks at the end of dark hallways where you knew light to be.
But I think what makes life beautiful, in some tragic naïve way, is when we live in spite of it. To walk toward the darkness, and smile.
7 Mar 2013 / 1 note
I always knew I loved to write. I just never knew what I wanted to do with my writing.
I like telling stories, but specifically I love telling the stories of real people. I like the imperfection of a dialect and the misspellings and improper grammar of raw communication.
I like that everyone is a little rough around the edges.
I’ve finally figured it out today that I want to capture humanity in words — the good, bad, ugly, the humor and ultimately twisted beauty that is human nature.