Fear is such a dumb concept because if you ever ask yourself why you’re afraid of something, I don’t know about you, but I never can come up with a good enough or rational reason.

I’m most afraid of rejection like someone telling me I can’t do something or someone telling me they don’t want me because for some reason I’m not good enough, so I try to make this up to myself by doing risky physical things, as if that will prove anything, that I’m worth something, that I’m not afraid of the things that really matter in those life and death moments. In a way it’s one big rationalization, an adrenaline rush of a shot that’s just enough to take the edge off.

I’m so afraid of dying. As if that’s a rational thing to be afraid of because it’s going to happen. But I just like to think that if I do all of the physical things that I’m afraid of, maybe I’m living right. I’m not sure I’m arrogant enough to say I’m “cheating” death. But sometimes I definitely think that I’m pulling the wool over someone’s eyes.