I don’t mean to sound crude but this honestly needs to be inside of me.

(Source: foodwhore)

Blah blah blah, people who post FB statuses about working out.

I just want to eat my chocolate in peace, dammit!!

I keep forgetting to put money in my checking account because I have like one dollar in there..

But I’m afraid if I do I’ll either spend too much money on a) food, or b) shoes.

UGH WHAT IS LIFE.

So there’s a bucket of cookie dough in my fridge…

And my brother was getting it out to eat some cookie dough. I helped myself to a spoonful and all of a sudden, like a poor little child who’s about to take the first lick of an ice cream cone, it falls. The huge chunk of cookie dough on my spoon plummets to the floor.

I am speechless. And all my brother can say is: “You are the worst person.” And I can do nothing but agree.

Me and my friends have done something like this before. When it comes to McDonald’s french fries I don’t think you ever need to feel ashamed.

My Doritos were hanging off the shelf in the vending machine but it wouldn’t DROP.

I honestly shouldered it and called it a motherfucker. Ugh the universe slapped me and said NO MORE EATING.

I just wanted to show you all what I just consumed. My belly is aching.

I came home to a Boston cream pie in the fridge and I’ve never been so happy.

I just woke up from a nap that I was unwilling to take.

It’s not really that attractive. I was reading for American Studies so the bed is a flurry of papers that were one nicely in order. Definitely a lazy ass Sunday.