"You better start greasing some palms."

My mom, on my impending job search after graduation

11 Apr 2012 / 0 notes / mom family 

Why do moms have all the answers because they really, really do.

After my parents paid for graduation announcements:

  • Mom: You better graduate.
  • Dad: Yeah, don't pull any silly shit.

  • Me: Why am I in so much debt?!?
  • Mom: ...because you keep spending money?

  • Me: Wait, I'm a sweetheart!
  • Mom: No, you're a bitch.

9 Feb 2012 / 0 notes / Family mom thanks mom 

"Rachel, you need to get dressed. You look like a homeless person."

My mother. She is unforgiving.

15 Jan 2012 / Notes / family mom 

  • Mom: What are you going to do with $250?
  • Brother: Buy drugs.

In all honesty, I am just thankful for the fact that today I woke up and it was a sunny day and there were pies on the table cooling and my mom excitedly announced it was Thanksgiving, and she was running around, still preparing. 

I’m such a sap because I can’t even sit at our table on Thanksgiving anymore without almost busting out into tears because I’m just so damn happy my mom and dad can worry about little things like burning turkey instead of big things like heart failure and cancer like they used to.

  • Me: Diggin' your nose?
  • Mom: Yes. Would you like to help?

"I like the plant because it’s pretty and I like to roll joints. If I smoke it I get sleepy…"

My mom on marijuana