I’ve been engaging in a lot of self-reflection (to say the least), and I have never realized how difficult, or mean, or confusing I must be sometimes. 

Every boy I have ever liked, I’ve given mixed signals because I’m so afraid to look like an idiot. I’m so afraid to waste my time.

I am so mean to my best friend. 

I would love to be less temperamental, and more open to relationships, but this is just how it is. I’m not sure if people can change, I’m not making up excuses for myself. There are times when I try so hard to be nicer, better, but it never lasts. 

All I know is that I’m proud to be this headstrong thing, and I realize the consequences of being like this. I’m just so thankful for the people who have stuck around and genuinely appreciate who I am, because whether or not it is possible to change, you are the ones who make me better.